Missing man
by Karen Winchester
Summary: Set in S10 Dean wakes up after being cured, but he does not remember anything. Sam is nowhere to be found, and Castiel is too affected to talk about the recent events. What happened to Sam? Is Dean going to be okay after he finds out the heartbreaking truth?
1. Chapter 1

Missing man

 ** _If I told you what I was,_**

 ** _Would you turn your back on me?_**

 ** _And if I seem dangerous,_**

 ** _Would you be scared?_**

 ** _I get the feeling just because_**

 ** _Everything I touch isn't dark enough_**

 ** _That this problem lies in me_**

 **SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNPSNSPNPSNSPN**

 **Present time…**

Dean Winchester opened his eyes, feeling tired and with a "I could eat an elephant" kind of hunger. His whole body was sore and his plaid shirt was bloody, but that was not what called his attention in that moment. When he tried to move, felt something restraining him. His eyes could not focus on the object that was around his limbs, but judging by the material guessed that it was rope. A very thick and wet rope.

"What the…", said in low voice

"Dean"

The elder Winchester followed the direction of the man's voice, and saw Castiel. He was standing two feet away from him, his body was tense and with a lot of blood on his trench coat, hands and neck.

"Cass? What's happening?"

The angel gave him a suspicious look, and moments later threw something to his face. He closed his eyes when that happened, tasting salty water. His mind was still a mess, and frustration was growing inside him.

"Welcome back Dean", said Castiel smiling at him, still kind of tense

"I… What happened? Don't remember anything…"

His body started shaking, and it seemed like time had stopped. It could have passed a minute or ten hours, but he wouldn't have noticed anyway. He saw how Castiel stepped inside the Devil trap, that for the record didn't know was there, and carefully cut the ropes with a knife that belonged to Sam.

Dean tried to ask something, but Cass just told him to keep quiet for few moments. The elder Winchester was a man that didn't like to be told what to do, however this time he obeyed him. Maybe that was how Sam had felt when Lucifer was inside his head, and was too tired and weak to even fight the rules inside the psychiatric hospital.

Cass helped him to walk towards his bedroom, that he had decorated with his guns, and pictures of him and his dead mother. The bed was not as comfortable as he had believed when first entered inside the place, but it didn't matter. He had been in worse places, and having a roof and four walls was all that he needed. He and Sammy had lived in motels all their lives, so the bunker was the closest place that they could call home. While thinking about his room, remembered Sam. He needed to see him. A weird feeling in his guts was telling him that he could be in danger, and that was not something that he could ignore. He had to take care of Sammy, like he had done since their mother passed away, and their father went away for weeks or even months, leaving them alone.

"Cass… Sam. Where is he? Need to see him"

"You need to rest Dean. I will call him… later"

"Where did he go? What's happening to me?!", said out loud starting to close his eyes as soon as his heavy head met the pillow of his bed

Castiel answered something, but he couldn't understand him. He was exhausted and needed to close his eyes. He didn't want to, but he had no choice in the matter since the darkness claimed him.

 _Dean's dream…_

 _Dean was awoken by a laugh that made "echo" on the corridor. It seemed familiar, but he still could not identify it. He got up from one of the chairs in the war room, looking for a tool or something to defend himself. Someone had entered inside the bunker, and whoever it was, was getting closer as the seconds passed._

 _When he saw Sam's favorite gun on the table took it and checked it was charged. Luckily it was, because there was no way that he could find more bullets in time, before the man would appear in sight._

 _"_ _Sammy? Come here Sammy! Big brother wants to see you! Been a long time since we had a nice brotherly love moment, right?", said the man_

 _If he was not going crazy, he could swear that that voice was HIS voice. How could that be even possible? What the hell was happening? Maybe a damn shapeshifter took his form, or a monster was imitating his voice. He had to find Sam before the monster did!_

 _As quiet as he could, started walking through the many corridors that the bunker had. Five minutes later he was still searching for his younger brother, but Sam was nowhere to be found. He started to worry, while the man became angrier by the lack of his sibling's presence._

 _"_ _Come out, come out, wherever you are Sam! I am gonna find you, and if you don't fight me I might give you a quick death! Just think about that little brother... I am your reaper Sammy!"_

 _"_ _You touch my little brother and I will kill you, you stupid son of a bitch!", yelled Dean pissed. No one threated his brother and lived to tell the story. Anyone._

 _Dean saw how Sam, who was now wearing a sling, opened the door of one of the rooms and looked for the presence of the monster that was hunting him. He looked everywhere nervous with the demon killing knife that Ruby had given him a long time ago, but he didn't see him. How come he didn't see him? He was practically in front of him!_

 _"_ _Sammy, we gotta go, move!" whispered the elder Winchester trying to call his brother's attention._

 _Sam started moving towards the left corridor, trying to be quiet even though Dean could notice that he could barely breath. His kid brother was having a panic attack, and was ignoring him like he was nothing! If this was a game for him, he was gonna kick his ass!_

 _"_ _Sammy! I'm gonna find you, you know? You can run from me, but you can not do it forever. I am not leaving until I kill you! I don't wanna be cured! The old Dean died, but don't worry about him. He's deep asleep in this awesome body of his. I am the new Dean" said the monster, while Dean followed Sam making sure that he was alright. He prayed to Cass for help, but the angel didn't appear._

 _He had been using the stolen grace of another angel. Both men knew that as it started to fade; the harder was to be able to hear the angel radio or their prayers. If he couldn't help his brother, Sam was screwed! He needed to do something!_

 _"_ _Sammy, hide in the dungeon! The son of a bitch is not going to find you in this secret room", whispered Dean again, even knowing that Sam could not hear him or see him for some strange reason._

 _Dean tried to open desperate the wooden door losing the sight of his baby brother, but the cry of pain that came from Sam's mouth made be alert, running towards him._

 _When he found him, saw that Sam was on the floor barely conscious with blood on one side of his head, while an evil version of him was standing and looking at him with a little smile of satisfaction._

 _"_ _You didn't expect the hammer, did you? I am gonna have so much fun with you Sammy, so much fun!", said "Dean"_

 _"_ _Leave him alone you bastard. If you want to kill somebody, kill me!", screamed, but again, the monster couldn't hear him_

 _"_ _D'n. I-I can still cu-cure you" said Sam while trying to stand up using his only good arm_

 _"_ _I don't thi-think so Sammy. Have you heard my speech? I don't wanna be cured!" said "Dean" mocking him_

 _"_ _Dean" kicked him in the stomach twice, and the elder Winchester watched as his little brother curled up trying to avoid the hits unsatisfactorily. Dean couldn't touch his brother to move him or kick the guy in the nuts. He was watching how something was beating Sam without any kind of mercy, which was adding more pain since his younger sibling was already hurt._

 _"_ _D'n… Pl'se" said Sam barely whispering, not trying to dissimulte hide the tears that were dliding their way down his cheeks._

 _"_ _It's time to say goodbye Sammy. I am gonna take care of you, you'll see!" said "Dean", hitting Sam's head with his hand in the shape of a fist. Sam was knocked out at the instant, and moments later the monster carried his limp body in his arms, heading towards the stairs, going out of the bunker and taking the Impala with it. He could not get out to save his brother, he was trapped inside the bunker while his brother was seriously hurt or maybe even dying!_

 _"_ _Sam! Sammy! Saaaaam!"_

"Dean, wake up! Dean!"

Dean was aware of Castiel's voice, which sounded worried

"Sam… Sammy", he whispered.

It took Dean five minutes to get over his nightmare, while Castiel sat on the bed next to him as a way of support.

"I assume that you just had a nightmare", said Castiel

"Where's Sammy, Cass? Please, I need to see him"

"I… There is something that I must tell you Dean. Something about you and your brother"

Dean looked at him, and knew deep inside that he was under the storm. His whole world was about to fall down, he sensed it.

"Dean, I am sorry. I couldn't save him. I couldn't save Sam…"

"What? What do you mean with that?!"

The angel looked at him, but didn't say anything. How could he say that Sam was dead, and Dean, but not Dean at the same time, had been the one that did it?

TBC…

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey guys! I have had this fic on my mind for days, but because of health reasons could not manage to write it until today. If you like it, please review!** **J**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"I do my job like I breathe — so if I can't breathe I'm in trouble."  
― **Karl Lagerfeld**

 **SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNPSNSPNSPNSPN**

 **WARNING** **: This fiction contains a character's violent death. If you are offended, please don't read this chapter. If you decide to keep going and have one minute, please review :)**

 ** _27 hours before…_**

Sam Winchester was hiding inside one of the rooms inside the bunker, still shocked by Dean's recent escape from the devil's trap. He couldn't have known that his possessed brother could just walk out of the trap like the old Dean would do. He was not just simply possessed, that could be easily fixed with an exorcism. He was a knight of hell! His big brother, his hero had changed completely since he accepted the heavy task of wearing the mark of Cain, and after his death, the damn thing had taken control over his body. Sam could not let his sibling get out of the bunker uncured, since he was a killing machine. God only knew how far he was willing to go to get what he wanted, which would end up pretty much with a morgue full of cold and lifeless bodies as the result of his anger or different ways to have fun. He had to save him at all costs, even if he would have to end up hurting more than he already was. One of his arms was in a sling due to a demon's anger when he got free while he asked him questions about his brother's location. It had been possessing a taller and more muscular man that as soon as got his hands on him, dislocated his shoulder and spit on him once he fell down screaming in pain.

"Sammy? Come here Sammy! Big brother wants to see you! Been a long time since we had a nice brotherly love moment, right?" said Dean

Sam closed his eyes trying to control the fear inside him, that seemed to consumed the control of his big and tall body. He had to get out of that room, but couldn't find the strength to do that. "Dean" was looking for him, and there was no doubt that he was going to kill him at the minimum mistake of his part. He now wished to have those super powers that used to love as a kid, such as invisibility or x-ray view. He wanted to be a kid again, and avoid every single mistake that he did, saving people and hunting things, as things used to be. Those good old days were now far away, and he missed the simplicity of the hunts with his brother, the trust that he had had with him, since he was not tempted with demon blood or leaving his brother in purgatory while living an apple pie life with a woman, that now knew he hadn't really loved.

"Come out; come out, wherever you are Sam! I am gonna find you, and if you don't fight me I might give you a quick death! Just think about that little brother... I am your reaper Sammy!"

Sam heard what the demon said, and his body flinched without meaning to. If he weren't a hunter, he would be shaking and crying, just like the typical teenagers in the horror movies that he watched once or twice. Dean was coming closer, and being unarmed was not something that could make him feel better. His brother's room was too far considering the current situation, but maybe if he ran faster than ever could get one of his guns and shoot him in a not dangerous place of his body to slow him down. His hand made contact with the door handle, as he heard the same voice getting angrier with each talked word.

"Sammy! I'm gonna find you, you know? You can run from me, but you can not do it forever. I am not leaving until I kill you! I don't wanna be cured! The old Dean died, but don't worry about him. He's deep asleep in this awesome body of his. I am the new Dean"

By the distance where the voice came from, Sam guessed that his demonic brother had skipped the corridor where he was. Taking a deep breath and praying to Cass for help, he opened the door slowly. Sam looked in every possible direction looking for his brother's presence, but it seemed that he was alone. He started moving towards the left corridor, with his heart beating so fast that he thought that was going to have a heart attack right there. He recognized the symptoms that his body was having, knowing that a panic attack was taking away his capacity of being in control, not being able to track his depredator. Every breath that he took was louder than he intended, and felt that everything around him was spinning. The younger hunter reminded to himself that he could do this, and once he'd have a gun was going to be one step over the mark of Cain, one less step towards from the peace that he needed, and Dean would need as well.

He was not too far from Dean's room when he felt the presence of someone behind him. He had realized that too late, which ended up two seconds later with him feeling the pain of the impact of some solid and hard object against his skull. His uncoordinated limbs gave out, and his body fell to the floor. The fact that his already hurt head hit the ground again didn't help to get the so desired control over the situation. In other words, he was screwed. Sam lifted his head, and saw blood on the floor. Why weren't his eyes focusing? Why did he have to be so stupid to not be alert when he had to? Why couldn't he be Dean's hero? He always did everything wrong, when his brother was totally opposite. He was the perfect hunter, the bravest man on Earth that he had ever met.

Dean could be brought back if he finished the cure treatment, NEEDED to be brought back from a cage inside his own body, because people needed him to be safe and happy. He wanted his big brother. There was no hope or chances of a good life if Dean was not with him. The elder hunter was the only person that he needed, and vice versa. They never said that, because it was not necessary. They only needed each other to do the simple things such as smiling or have a heroic/funny memory that they could make each other remember when one of them was feeling depressed or sad. Sam was not aware if "Dean" had said something, but when his mind cleared a little and his eyes could focus on things again, saw the hammer in his brother's hand, with blood on it. The elder Winchester must had seen the scared look on his face, and laughed before he started to talk again

"You didn't expect the hammer, did you? I am gonna have so much fun with you Sammy, so much fun!"

"D'n. I-I can still cu-cure you" said Sam while trying to stand up using his only good arm

"I don't thi-think so Sammy. Have you heard my speech? I don't wanna be cured!" said "Dean" mocking him

He guessed the following action before it happened, and felt the pain of a kick to the stomach that took his breath away. He tried to curl his body to avoid more kicks, but Dean's foot still reached his abdominal area, sending one more kick with his unnatural strength.

"D'n… Pl'se" said Sam barely whispering, not trying to hide the tears that were sliding their way down his cheeks. He knew what was going to happen next, and didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to die in Dean's hands. Not because he would not forgive "Dean" for doing that, but because someday, when Dean came back to be himself, he would remember what he had done. He would never forgive himself for hurting him, and he didn't want him to feel guilty for something that he could not control. He needed to keep fighting, but his strength was fading, his eyes were closing.

"It's time to say goodbye Sammy. I am gonna take care of you, you'll see!" said "Dean". He closed his eyes, and felt the hit in his head before everything became dark.

"Dean" took Sam in his arms, not feeling the dead weight of the young hunter's body. Being a knight of Hell did have its advantages, and one of them were that he was stronger. He knew that Sam was not dead, and thinking opposite to his original idea, was going to kill him slowly in a way that he knew was going to hurt every second before his eyes would close forever.

The possessed hunter tied Sam's hands and feet before he threw him in the back seat and drove away towards the "Stull Cemetery". Luckily, it was a short drive, which was good because Sam would not wake up until he were underground. He dig one of the graves in the middle of the night, taking the corpse that was inside the expensive coffin. Once he put it next to the pile of soil, took Sam out of the car, throwing him in there without mercy.

He noticed that Sam had deeply purple skin on his abdominal area and made a gash on his stomach with the first blade, seeing amazed how the blood started to flow like a river. "Dean" made another gash on his arm, that covered his own clothes in blood . Maybe the purple skin was the consequence of the strong kicks that he delivered to him, causing him a very dangerous and lethal internal bleeding, which was good! The younger hunter did not wake up through the whole process, making the hunter grin in a very scary and evil way. He was going to be surprised when he woke up. If he could place a camera and watch him die slowly, begging and trying to breath… That would be one of the most wonderful things to see.

"Just like our dear mother, the one you killed, told me to say to you once… Good Night Sam"

Dean closed the coffin and started to throw soil above the coffin while humming "Back in Black". Now he was gonna be sure that the stupid boy who had chased him for four weeks would be dead. Without the normal Dean making deals, there was no way that he could be brought back. All of the people who Dean Winchester had loved were dead because of his little brother. He had broken the last seal that set Lucifer free, he had lied to him about his demonic powers, he had even drank demon blood… It was revenge for what he had caused, he could say. Dean Winchester could not kill his brother when his father ordered him to, but he could. He was the new Dean, a better version that was ready to do whatever it take, and sleep with every pretty girl that he wanted.

Once the dirt was in its place, and the body that he took out had been hidden behind some bushes, the possessed hunter smiled again. Everything was just the way he wanted, so that meant only one thing. He could go now.

"Well Sammy… I guess that this is the last goodbye. See you in hell little brother"

As he started to walk away heard Sam coughing and shouting as loud as he could with his weak voice. That had made his night. Not turning back, took the Impala heading towards a bar, deciding to go the bunker later, where Castiel, who had heard Sam's prayer, was going to come to save him, making him human again. In matter of hours, Dean Winchester was going to come back to life…

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 **Tip** **: when you are reaching the end of the fiction, I suggest you to listen to the song "Moon" -by Sleeping at Last. It makes the ending more… emotional and perfect. Please review to let me know what you think :)**

Dean stared quietly at his brother's tortured, broken and still body lying on his bed. Sam's skull was bloody, but so was the rest of his cold corpse that death had claimed as his.

When he remembered what he had done to those innocent people in the bar, or what he had done to Sam, felt how his heart broke in a million pieces. He had caused many deaths in his life, but taking Sam's life with his own two hands was not something that he thought would ever do. Even when their father told him that if he couldn't save his brother he'd have to kill him, he still didn't do what was ordered. Sam was his weak spot, his entire life, his only reason to keep fighting in the unlucky and awful life that he was living. Looking back, he would rather live in a world with Lucifer walking on Earth than ending his little brother's life to prevent the apocalypse. He had made Sam a promise once, a long time ago actually, and because he was a failure, broke it.

 ** _"_** ** _As long as I'm around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you"_**

 ** _"_** ** _It's my job, right? I have to look out for my pain in the ass little brother"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Sam, I'm your brother. I am not gonna let you get hurt"_**

He had in fact broken that promise before many times, but didn't have the strength to admit it, since somehow he got Sammy back on his feet. He had hurt Sam in more than one way, but he had forgiven him like he always did every time he had screwed up something.

He, now, had killed Sam and the demon inside him had enjoyed it. He could still remember his twisted grin when he heard Sam scream and beg, telling him that he could save him.

Everything was his fault. He had repeated Cain's story, killing his little brother. Cain had given up fighting when he killed his younger sibling, becoming the monster that was meant to be. What would happen to him? Would he change, turn into his worst nightmare again? Would that be easier than carrying the guilt of having his brother's blood on his hands? He didn't know if he wanted to keep fighting anymore. Sam was dead, and apparently, he could do nothing to bring him back to the land of living.

Dean sat on the bed next to Sam's body, not touching him, afraid of causing more pain than he had already inflicted on the poor kid. Sam Winchester was… had been a tough son of a bitch on the outside, but on the inside he was made of glass, of a very weak and breakable glass that he had always tried to keep safe from the entire world, even from the imaginary monsters that hunted his brother's mind as a child…

 _Flashback…_

 _"_ _Sammy! What's wrong? Why are you crying?" asked Dean concerned, seeing how his little brother got up from a nap scared and sobbing._

 _"_ _Dee… I had a nightmare" responded a six year old Sam, covering his face with his little hands._

 _"_ _It's ok Sammy. I am here, ok?" said the elder Winchester with gentle voice; a voice that not even his father would hear._

 _"_ _I-I was alone… A monster was chasing me. It was dark, and you couldn't come for me." explained the younger Winchester._

 _"_ _I am so going to kick that monster's ass Sammy. Did it do something to you?" asked Dean being overprotective, pretending to be mad at the imaginary monster._

 _"_ _N-no... But he was scary D'n. I was looking for you. I could hear your voice, but I couldn't see you" added Sam, moments later hugging Dean, starting to cry even harder._

 _Dean responded to the hug automatically, placing his arms around his brother's back, rocking him until he fell asleep on his arms._

 _"_ _It's okay Sam. Big brother's here. You don't have to be afraid. I will always be here to protect you"_

 _…_

"Dean, are you with me?" asked Castiel concerned, seeing the older Winchester staring at his brother's corpse, barely blinking.

"I guess I am… I don't know" whispered Dean.

"Dean… I am sorry that I couldn't help Sam. I tried to bring him back to life, but I am afraid that I am not strong enough. My grace is fading"

"'s ok… You tried Cass. You don't have to feel guilty... It was not your fault"

"You shouldn't either Dean. You didn't do anything"

"CAN YOU QUIT PRETENDING FOR ONCE CASTIEL? I KILLED SAM, DISLOCATED A MAN'S SHOULDER AND EVEN KILLED AN INNOCENT MAN JUST FOR PLEASURE!"

"Dean…"

"I think that you should go right now, before I kick your stupid feathery ass and send you straight to heaven" said Dean with sharp voice, getting up from the bed and walking towards the angel.

"I won't leave, Dean. I won't leave you" said the angel convinced of his decision.

"You have to. I AM A MONSTER CASS! I AM AN ABOMINATION! Why can't you accept the truth?"

"I accept the truth, Dean. What I accept as the truth is that I see a man who is scared, hurt and hopeless. I have siblings, lots of them, but I never felt what you and Sam… had. You remember when we met Cupid? He told me that your mother and father had to fall in love, had to have you and your brother. Destiny wanted you to be Michael's vessel, and carry the mark of Cain. If I have learned something after everything that we all have been through is that destiny cannot be changed. Everything is written"

Dean looked at the angel, who seemed to be as heartbroken as he was. Castiel had had a bigger connection with Dean in the beginning, but after few years, he started to trust Sam, accept his presence. However, that didn't matter anymore. Sam was fucking gone.

"Dean, perhaps we should do something with Sam's body. I got him out of the grave that… he was in. We should do something" said Castiel, seeing how Sam's organs and skin were deteriorating fast. Soon, his body would start to smell, and Dean's heart would break even more. Sam's death had been bloody and unexpected, and his face showed that. His nails were bloody, few of them were missing, which indicated that he had tried to escape despite the fact that he knew it was impossible to do such a thing like that. Sam had fought to live until his last breath, and Castiel was proud of him. He had been a loyal man, a man that the angels who didn't know him would say was evil and not clean. He had thought the same for a long time, but Sam turned out to be different. Sam was a hero, an example for humans and even to him. He would miss him, and perhaps see him in heaven someday during a "visit".

"I wish that he… he had killed me instead of being a victim of the damn mark's intentions. He didn't... He was supposed to live"

"I understand, Dean. I am sure that you would have done the same thing if you were him. He could not hurt you, and you cannot hurt him. Only the mark could do that" said Castiel thoughtful

"Is he… Where is he? If he's in hell…"

"I don't think so. Sam has done more good than bad while fighting against his opponents. If you want to, I could find out"

Dean did not say anything, but not because he didn't want to talk. He could not say it. He could not say out loud that his brother was not just sleeping. When the angel vanished, he took Sam's hand being as careful as he could. His wrists were swollen and marked by the rope that he had used to tie him up, since he… yes, he, had been careless of the pain that was inflicting on his kid brother at the moment.

"Sammy… I am so damn sorry for all of… this. I was supposed to look after you and… I don't know what happened to me. I changed and you…"

The tears that he had been retaining started to slide down his face, and his breathing was ragged.

"If you're here Sammy… please forgive me. I-I don't know what to do, how to keep going without my pain the ass little brother… I am so fucking sorry Sam"

Dean collapsed on Sam's body, hugging him and crying until he could not cry anymore. It was stupid to admit it aloud, but he still hoped to be lucky enough to feel Sam's warm body again, to sit on the bed and say "It was a joke Dean. I am not dead"

"When you were born I was jealous. I remember saying that I was happy being alone, not sharing my toys… Mom made me touch her belly few times, to feel the kicks that you would deliver, to feel the life that was growing inside of her… Once you were born, I did not want to see you… I kinda hated you. I thought that you would take my place, but that did not happen. Since the first moment that I saw you… I knew that I was going to love you always and forever"

Dean cleaned his nose with the sleeve of his plaid shirt, being careless of the act that would have made Sam put a bitch face.

"That night… The night that mom died I carried you in my arms… you were too heavy for me, but I still carried you out the front door and said, "It's ok Sam". Since that moment I understood how important was to be a big brother, and I felt the necessity of protecting you, even if I would have to get hurt in the process… We've been through so much shit, and you left… What am I supposed to do here Sammy? You left me alone, and I can't… I can't do it alone. I mean it… When I picked you up from Stanford I meant it as well. I can't…"

Dean could not stand being there anymore. Dean didn't want to see him anymore. He just could not support it.

The elder Winchester left the door of his room open as he walked towards the main door of the bunker, going away from there. It was dark, and the insects were "singing" his sorrows to him, making him remember how perfect his life had been with Sam by his side…

 _Flashback…_

 _"_ _You did it Sammy! You finally kissed a girl!" yelled Dean to the 14 years old Sam, who was embarrassed as hell._

 _"_ _Shut up Dean"_

 _"_ _No, I can't. We have to celebrate this weird event that might not happen again!" said Dean, mocking his little brother even more._

 _"_ _You're a jerk Dean. That is what you are"_

 _Dean laughed aloud and ruffled Sam's hair, seeing how his kid brother tried to get away from him._

 _"_ _What was her name Sammy? Asked Dean gently this time, seeing that Sam was pissed enough._

 _Sam did not answer, so he just decided to give him his space, let him do his homework while he watched TV sitting on the old couch of the motel room._

 _"_ _Angela" said Sam after fifteen minutes_

 _"_ _What?" said Dean confused_

 _"_ _Her name was Angela"_

 _"_ _Cute name, actually I think that I have kissed an Angela as well" said Dean thoughtful_

 _"_ _Really?" asked Sam_

 _"_ _Yeah, I think so, at least. You know that I cannot remember all the girls that I have kissed or… you know what" said the elder Winchester with a grin._

 _Sam laughed and got up from the chair he was sitting in. He sat next to Dean and both watched TV for hours, waiting for their father to come back._

 _At one point of the "Karate Kid" movie, Sam fell asleep on the little couch. Dean could clearly see that he was not comfortable, so his big brother instinct awoke instantly._

 _"_ _The things I do for you kiddo... Then you say that you are not a princess" said while picking up Sam in his arms, placing him in the bed next to the bathroom._

 _…_

"Hey smartass, look where you're going" screamed a man, making him be alert.

He didn't even say sorry, and deep down wished to die slowly and painfully. He wanted to see Sam again. He needed to see Sam again, laughing, breathing and giving him the funniest bitch faces that a man could do.

The elder sibling stopped walking and allowed himself to fall on his knees, exhausted and out of breath.

"WHY! WHY THIS HAS TO HAPPEN TO US, HUH?... I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU, I NEVER DID! SAM BELIEVED IN ANGELS, IN THE FREAKING POWER OF PEACE AND LOVE, AND YOU MADE ME KILL HIM! WHY? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KILL THE PEOPLE THAT BELIEVE IN A BETTER WORLD? MY MOM IS DEAD, MY BROTHER IS DEAD, AND THERE IS NO ONE THAT CAN SAVE ME NOW, NO ONE! I HATE YOU GOD, I HATE YOU!" yelled as loud as he could, all alone in the middle of the dark.

Few hours later, Dean came back to the bunker, with his bloody clothes soaked by the intense rain and his legs barely holding the weight of his body. He didn't know how he made it to his room, where Sam was "resting", but he made it, and that was all that mattered at the moment. As soon as he entered inside it, saw Castiel sitting next to him, looking at his brother in a dead silence that bothered and depressed him.

"Dean, you came back" said Castiel, turning around to face him

"Don't have anywhere to go. I am a nowhere man… I can't stay here either"

"Where will you go then?" asked the angel curious

"Don't know, don't care" answered Dean while picking up his duffel bag

"There is something that you should know…"

"What now?" barked Dean pissed.

"Sam is in heaven, Dean. I saw him"

When dean heard that, dropped all of his clean clothing, shocked.

"What? I mean…"

"He is resting in peace Dean. He is in heaven, reliving his best memories. I saw one memory of his, that I think you should see" said the angel, walking towards the hunter and placing his fingers on his forehead…

 _Dean opened his eyes and saw what Cass was showing him._

 _Walking towards the younger version of Sam, saw that he was inside his beloved car, playing with a little airplane that John had found lost at the mall. His plaid shirt was too big for him and so were his jeans, but he didn't care._

 _"_ _Dad, when is Dean coming?" asked Sam to John._

 _"_ _Soon, I hope" answered John, with serious face._

 _"_ _I miss him. Uncle Bobby told me that he was fine, right?"_

 _"_ _Yes, Sam. He is fine, he got lost, but now I have found him. I think that he's learned his lesson. He can't walk too much, or he'll get lost again"_

 _Dean remembered the time when he was in the boys' home, after being caught stealing food. He didn't see his little brother for four or five months, until he left the place for Sam, because he knew how bad he needed him._

 _Dean listened to Sam, that was asking a lot of questions, hearing the short and at some point cold answers of their father._

 _"_ _Sam was just a kid, dad. Why couldn't you understand that? You were never patient with him, but I was. I was there for him when he needed me, and then you asked why he was so fucking distant with you!" yelled the hunter_

 _He waited for a very long time, until he saw himself walking towards the Impala. The eyes of his younger version were teary, but his smile was big. He remembered thinking "Sam is worth the sacrifice. Everything I do, I do it for him"_

 _"_ _Deeean" yelled Sam excited from the backseat._

 _"_ _Hey Sammy" said the younger Dean still smiling_

 _"_ _Dad and uncle Bobby told me that you were lost! I was sad, because I thought I would never see you again!"_

 _"_ _I know kiddo. But I am here now, right? I am never gonna leave you again. I promise you that Sammy. I am always gonna be close to you", declared Dean, seeing how happy his little brother was._

 _The car's engine roared and the Impala left the house. It was worth it. Sam was worth it, he thought to himself while seeing the girl that he had loved cry through the window._

 _…_

Dean opened his eyes again, coming back to reality. For a moment he had forgotten that Sam was dead. For a moment he had even smile.

"You see Dean… Sam chose to relive that memory"

"Why? It was sad for him, and our dad treated him like shit!" exclaimed Dean

"He picked that memory because he was really excited to see you, that in that moment he understood that you were never going to be that far away from him. He told me that you're not far away from him now, and he is not far way from you either… Sam said that he is looking after you, making sure that you don't do anything stupid… He wants you to fight, to keep hunting or find a woman that makes you happy… He said that he loves you, and always will"

Dean's eyes filled with tears and smiled for the first time in months. Sam was fine. Sam was not physically with him, but somehow, he was still there.

"Dammit Sammy… I love you too little brother, you know that",thought, this time not looking at Sam's body, but looking at a picture where the two of them were laughing and looking at each other.

 **Few hours later…**

Dean saw how the flames consumed his brother's body, taking the last proof of Sam's existence that he had. Castiel preferred to leave him alone, so he could say the last words to the remains of Sam, his Sammy.

One hour passed, and there was nothing left but burned wood. Sam's body was turned into ashes, that would fly through the blue skies. He was letting Sam go.

"You wait for me little brother, okay? When I die, I want to see you and hug you, understand?", said while crying.

It was hard, really hard to let him go, but every life had an end. Sammy was the only reason why he was still breathing and fighting. Sammy was worth the effort, even when it hurt so bad that every fiber in his body wanted to end his life to reunite with him.

As soon as he lie down on Sam's bed, Dean fell asleep for several hours, and in the morning was awoken by Castiel.

"Dean, there is something that I did not tell you" said Castiel

"What? Is it about Sam?" asked still too tired to feel any emotion.

"Yes…It is about Sam. He wanted me to give you this… He said that he hid it, but now you need it more than ever", explained the angel, showing him the amulet that Sam had given to him several years ago, the one that he threw away just because he was stupid.

Dean picked the amulet from Castiel's hand and felt the familiar weight of the most important object in his life on his hand. Sam was right, he really needed it, since he could not have him. Half of his soul had died along with Sam. However, the amulet gave hope to him, lightened his life in a way than a no one else but Sam would understand.

"He kept it… Even though I threw it away… Thank you Cass, really… thank you"

Castiel smiled at him while watching him place the amulet where it belonged. Sam was making happy, even when he was not with him, that was another reason why he admired Sam so much.

"I can cook some… pancakes if you want me to. You must be hungry" said Castiel

"No way dude… you'll burn the whole place. I'll make them, and you will eat with me", said Dean smiling at him

"I do not enjoy food anymore, it tastes like molecules, and it is gross"

Dean laughed at the angel's comment, deciding that it was time to keep living, to try to smile again. Sam left clear that he wanted that for Dean, so he had to at least, try.

Dean walked away from the room to make breakfast, but Castiel stood there for a moment, looking at Sam. He was there, smiling at him with teary eyes.

"Cass, hurry up! If you don't come I'll force you to eat all the disgusting molecules of my delicious pancakes" yelled the elder Winchester from the kitchen.

Castiel saw Sam vanish in the thin air, as if he had never been there. Walking away with a smile, talked to Sam through his mind, promising that he would take care of his brother, giving him reasons to keep fighting for. It was his legacy, the legacy that a hero had left, and only he could make happen.

"Cass! Are you taking a leak or what?" yelled Dean again, this time desperate

Cass walked towards the kitchen, and both men started to talk, remembering moments that had lived though with Sam, or even the time when the angel decided that he would be a hunter.

"It's worth it, living is worth it" thought Dean, knowing that eventually, everything would be better, and someday would see Sam again.

 **"** **The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward."** ― **Steve Maraboli**

 **THE END.-**


End file.
